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sometimes people lose themselves. & unfortunately there are times that they bring other ppl down with them - the ppl that love them too much to let go. the people that keep fighting the battle even when all the odds are against them. for 3 years i loved you. day in and day out. through the good and through the bad.. but you lost yourself in the mix of life, stress, drugs, alcohol, all that stuff. and i cant help but blame myself. i cant help but think that somewhere along the road i did something or said something that gave way for reason for you to no longer confide in me and turn to me when you needed someone to go to.. now i think back on all the memories we have and it hurts to not even know what was real and what was just a lie.
if you would honestly realize how much i love you and how much i care about you, how much i want this, us, to work then you’d realize that you could fuck up everything in the world, mess up with every little thing and even the biggest things, and as long as you told me, as long as you were honest with me, then i would hold your hand and i would walk through it all with you. i would make it work because its for you and for us and i love you.
i know im happiest when im with you, and you know it kills me to let this go because i love you more than anything, but i know you won’t change. and thats only fair because you shouldnt have to change. for anyone or for anything. i love you so much but i deserve someone who will be honest with me even when honesty is the hardest thing to give. i deserve someone who feels comfortable and confident to confide in me someone who trusts that i will not leave their side just because of a few mistakes that they’ve made. i deserve someone who sees how much i love them and believes in our love and believes that despite our differences, disturbances, and disagreements that we can still hold hands & see it through.
i know theres someone out there like that.. but in order to find him i need to let you go. theres this silly part of me that thinks that you’ll grow up tomorrow and that i can run back to you and we can be perfect. but lets be real. if you do come around it wont be until much, much later. and i cant and wont sit around for that day. i have a life to live.. and although id much rather live it with you, that’s not possible. i love you & i’ll miss you. take care of yourself.
